And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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