He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
