P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
