I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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