she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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