oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize