My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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