I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
