what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
