This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
