They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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