at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to calm my uterus...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
