I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
