I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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