2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
