Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
