Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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