I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
