I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
