Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
