The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
