Plan B is the new Plan A
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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