Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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