Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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