I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
