Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I will die if light touches me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
