i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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