do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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