Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So squirting runs in the family.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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