I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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