I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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