I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
