He uses pillows to masturbate.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
