Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
