I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize