my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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