Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
