I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
jump out the window naked night went bad
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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