i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
