so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
