The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How external is "for external use only"?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
