Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
