i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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