I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
