you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Please, let me fuck your mom
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
