Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
