she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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