help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
