Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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