He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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