is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
