Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize