I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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