It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
