What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
