i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
