In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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