I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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