I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
