hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
