You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
