guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
