you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
