Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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