I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
