I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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