Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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