Nicole vs. Life
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
