the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
