it's not cheating when I paid for it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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