Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
