I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
