I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did i walk over a car last night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
