I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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