You're so nebulous sometimes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
